It’s such a special bond we form with our little ones.  It’s hard sometimes to believe that your teen at 15 is the same child that was an innocent infant not that long ago.  The genetic evolution of human-beings is toward being more and more sensitive all the time.  At least ½ the children being born now, would have been deemed ADD 10 years ago……..but it’s not because there is something wrong with our evolution.  Quite the opposite.  As we evolve as a species, children are becoming more and more acutely aware of their own internal guidance system, which makes them quite distracted when bombarded with multitudes of inputs (TV, school, violence etc), but also extremely focused and quite genius on subjects that they love.  Their nervous systems are telling them, through a cosmic loud speaker, what is toward their highest good.  So there is a very good explanation for why you meet with such tremendous resistance when you try to assert strict rules……..and there is also, a far more effective, peaceful way of both of you getting what you want…..read on…..

I am a parent of a 21 year old step daughter.  We went through the “you are not my mother” phase, the “you stole my Daddy” phase, and the “I’m going to play both ends against the middle” phase of our relationship.  She is an amazingly resourceful girl. She is also someone that literally will not do what doesn’t feel right to her….including certain subjects in school.  I just want to let you know this, so that you know I have been there, done that, got the t-shirt.

Which brings me to why you meet with resistance from your teenagers….perhaps exponentially more resistance than we gave our parents?  There are several factors at play. 

• First of all, at that part of a child’s stage of life, the awareness in every cell of the body is “how am I going to survive out there when I become an adult”. 
• Secondly, the Universe in its omnipotence and omniscience designed a “barometer” by which we all can tell whether we are taking actions and thinking thoughts that are consistent with the life we were meant to live.  That barometer is called “your feelings”.  How you feel on any thought will tell you whether that thought is toward your truth/joy, or away from it.  So, when your future survival is dependent on becoming very sensitive to your “cosmic barometer” to give you direction, then when a parent is constantly super-imposing their “barometer” on the teen….a fight is bound to ensue.  You see, their only path to ensure joy in future, is to be able to follow that Divine Guidance. 
• So when they say “don’t worry, Mom and Dad”, what they are actually saying is “I have a barometer that is going to point the way, so even if I mess up, if you help me see the signs, and cues, I will figure it out the next time…please trust me”.
• You see, as a parent we develop limiting beliefs because of our life experience.  We have collected evidence for “danger lurking” somewhere.  But hurtful circumstances arise in our lives, due to a disconnection from our own ability to listen to Divine Guidance….for if we did, we would never worry…and even the worst circumstances, would lead to miracles  We are unlimited.  Teenagers are far better at remembering their unlimitedness….so when we tell them they are limited, it feels extremely contradictory to God’s voice inside of them (though they might not word it that way).  That’s why they get frustrated.

Most people parent by making sure their kids never get hurt.  The problem with that model is that when you are an adult, you never know how to steer your ship or cope, when things go wrong. After all, our job is not to make sure that they don’t hurt………our job is to coach them to find thoughts that bring them to alignment, help them find their own joy, and give them the confidence of their own “guidance system”, which may not always say exactly what we were thinking.

Keeping in mind this is simply an article, and I only have so many words…..here are some things to keep in mind when parenting in the vein of “Law of Attraction”:

• Your kids do not really listen to what you say as much as they watch what you do.  So if you learn how to live an unlimited, joyful, empowered life…that is what they will learn. 
• If the mission is that our teenagers become happy adults, then it is important that they have a great example to aim for.  Suffering for the sake of your kids, teaches them suffering, not joy.
• If you are afraid for their safety all the time, you confuse your teens, because they have an innate knowing that they are taken care of by their guidance system.  Your fear is likely coming from your lack of trust in your own barometer....because you have forgotten how to listen to your internal guidance……watch them, and how miraculous they are…..then you won’t be so worried.
• Children are in our lives to teach us, not the other way around.  They came into the world joyful and connected….life worked for them.  Then we think we have to teach them everything we know about being happy…..when I ask you, who is happier, a 5 year old or a 40 year old?  So who should be teaching whom?
• If your teen does something that is “sub-optimal” (shall we say), making them wrong, or chastising them is one way of dealing with the event.  However, the most productive way of dealing with it, is to ask them how they felt before doing it…..and point out how their guidance system told them exactly what to do.  That way they will learn to listen to that internal guidance in time.  Messing up is not bad, if you use it as an opportunity to teach, NOT TO JUDGE.
• All teens really care about is that you love them….and I bet you do.  It’s the most productive thing you can do for their well-being, confidence and future happiness.  So show them often.

What worked to create a joyful family when we were children, will not work with our children, as most of the parents reading this article will probably attest.  The energy is moving very fast, kids are born “cable ready”, and teens are far more tuned in to their “feeling meter” than we ever were at that stage.

It is a wonderful time to be alive, if you know how to row your life boat, down the unlimited stream.  If you go upstream, it is going to be hard.  But you really don’t have to….you just have to dive in and remember who you really are…a lover, not a fighter!

Jennifer Hough CNC CPT HBA

Best Selling Author of Wake UP, and The Ultimate Holistic Recipe Book

President of The Vital You – Nutrition and Life Make-Over Clinic

www.thevitalyou.com